However, you missed the point of my post. I was writing about a particular set of “homeschoolers” (the term could be used loosely, in my opinion) in a certain city at a certain time. My message: check out the community before you commit; the community is vital, I think.

All the kids were playing down below when I sent him to go fetch his sister. I was just talking to the parents about weather or not they wanted to fill time slots for an upcoming fundraiser before I put away the sheet. I went back inside and within that 5 minutes my son was chased and kicked several times by a group of boys who have been known to bully.

In fact the school lost 6 families (they decided not to come back in September) because of these boys. My son landed a punch on 2 of them in his escape and ran about 50 feet plus the length of the stairs where the adult reached out and violently scratched his face! She then grabbed his collar and while shaking him around she flung him in the school.

What I still do not understand is that she knew I was just right inside the door of the school so when she saw a problem with my son why did she not walk the 10 steps to get me rather than wait until he broke free then grab him?

Well the answer is that he was coming in to get me and – yes – tell! That meant those boys would get into trouble.

So she wanted to put a stop to that right away!

I saw her with him and took him away from her. Got what happened out of him then went to her and let her know that she is to never place her hands on my children.

I also called the police because that was assault.

I bet at this point you are wondering why am I sharing this story with you.

Well the boys who were chasing him, calling him names and kicking him are also the sons of the school pac excec.

As am I – but the parent who grabbed my son does nothing for the school and community so she was not aware that I am as well.

Be that as it may – the school has also very clicky, mean spirited and serious boundary issues parents who – to quote the custodian – have entitlement issues. Although I was on the pac exec I was not part of that group.

The principle is very upset that I am leaving and I took my 2 children out. She brought in the boys who chased and kicked my son and their parents into the school – as well as the parent who assaulted my son and had a talk.

Other than that no action was taken. This is due to the principle not wanting to upset the group of parents who volunteer so much – exception for the parent who assaulted my son as she does nothing for the school and – like me – is home all day. (just had to say)

However my children are not safe there. I think that talk to the parents really ticked them off, so it would have made the school environment for my son and then my daugter even more hostile.

I know that I am now one of 7 families who left because of them. That would mean these kids will be picking new targets very soon and more families will leave.

The point is – whether it is a group of home schooling moms or a PAC who think they are entitled to run the school – clicky parent groups exist and often make life miserable for others.

Your post is a good post to warn parents like myself that I/we may be escaping one hell and run right into another.

I will keep what you said in mind and move forward carefully.

Thank-you!

It’s good to hear that you have had a better experience than we did. What you write about homeschooling in general I believe to be true, at least in theory. I bought into it all, and threw everything into it that I could as a parent. In retrospect, I see the “bad apples” as a kind of virus that infected the community. It is also worth observing that, while the homeschooling community isn’t run and regulated by Ministry appointees and experts, it was, at least in our time, dominated by a few ideologues who set the tone at least as strongly as the Ministry does in any school. It was pretty difficult to escape the effect of what I call “non-schoolers” pestering our daughter to stop working and go to the beach–all supported strongly by the parents.

The overall tone in the “community” seemed to me to be one of negativity. There was much talk of how bad or evil school and the education system were, as if merely avoiding it were enough to ensure that their children would be OK. I think a lot of the homeschooling parents we encountered essentially marginalized themselves; for a variety of reasons, they appeared to feel uncomfortable with people, society in general, or the dread “mainstream,” in which they seemed to perceive no diversity, and found it easier to “drop out” in a very real sense.

Don’t misunderstand me: I still think there are serious problems with the compulsory schooling system, and I believe I still feel adverse effects from my experience, which is approaching thirty years ago. My parents were both teachers, and for a couple of years I worked indirectly for the Ministry of Education; I have a fairly good picture of the challenges. But on balance, comparing the school system to what we encountered in Vancouver home schoolers, I have to say I’d go with the former if I had the chance to do it over again.

Part of the problem for us, I believe, was that we moved back to Vancouver when our daughter was at a critical age (11). If you have had experiences with moving between cities or countries, you probably know how difficult it is to “break in” to a community with established groups and friendships. We did find ourselves excluded by the (apparently relatively few) “good” families. This attitude surprised me coming from home schoolers, as we had had just the opposite experience in the UK and in California. I do believe that Vancouver has become a harsher place since we first lived here in the early 1990s.

I would advise vigilance when your daughter approaches the teenage years. I think it takes an additional and completely different kind of effort to homeschool teens, and I’m not sure that home schoolers have figured out how to do it. It may have been partly a result of our time and the people we encountered. But I think teens in general are more troubled now than they were when I was young. Combine this with the generally anti-science (and anti-learning) society we live in, and you have a recipe for disaster.

I’m truly surprised to read of your experiences as they are so counter to everything I have experienced in this community over the past 3 years we’ve been involved. Mind you, my daughter is only six so we aren’t involved with the teen community much. Within the larger homelearning community here in Vancouver are various subgroups that come together because of shared interests and ages of children. I have met wonderful families within this community who are now good friends of ours. Our children play and learn together and, at least in our group, there is a heavy emphasis on science as many of the parents and kids are passionate about it (I’m a PhD scientist myself so I can attest to the quality of the experiences the children have).

I can’t comment on the teens, but this young crop that I’m mostly involved with (3 to 9 year olds) are enjoying a wonderfully rich experience and I see a great deal of self-motivation and determination even in the younger ones. I am fully confident that their experience will only get better as they get older. But that’s because we parents will make it that way. If I found myself in a group as you describe then I would seek out the families who have the same interests and values and approach as I do and we would work together to provide great experiences for the kids.

Part of what makes the homeschooling community unique is that it isn’t run and regulated by ministry appointees and “experts” who basically set the rules and then let the parents have some involvement. We homelearning parents ARE the homelearning community and it is nothing more or less than what we make of it for ourselves and our children. The best thing about homelearning is you are not forced to spend the majority of your time with people you may or may not like, whose values may not mesh with your own, etc. Here, you build your own community and have far more freedom to do so in ways that work for you and your family than in any institutionalized setting. I’m truly sorry that your experiences left such a bad taste in your mouth, and I hope that over the last little while you’ve been able to create a community for yourself that meets your needs.

I have met you before, I know your daughter through Gamelan.

Having met her, it has always piqued my interest in home-schooling, as she is a very talented, bright and adult lady. Meeting other home-schoolers, I did notice what you mention in the article.

Unfortunately, I have to say that your comment about Vancouver home-schooled parents “cliquish, mean-spirited, exclusionary behaviour” does not just apply to the home-schooling community. This applies in particular to the Vancouver community at large, and in particular to the Vancouver community that considers themselves enlightened in some way, for example Vancouverites into the arts or environmental or social issues, imho.

Thanks
Audrey